Listen to me: the wallpaper came down. Sure, I've got to scrape a little. Yes, I still have to paint. But the biggest hurdle I had used as a reason for why I couldn't just pick up a brush and get to work turned out not to be much of a hurdle at all.
Please realize deeply that here is hope for the hopeless. There is help from others who have had similar experiences. When you are passionate about caring for other people, it is one small step to changing more than just your own world, but also the world outside yours.
A good place to start connecting as a widow is at church, possibly a women's Bible study or prayer group. If the group doesn't go out for coffee once in a while, suggest it. I found it's not a good idea to rush in a social whirlwind to start with. However, if a woman friend tries to connect be open to it. Take her phone number and call her. It's easy does it, but do it!
In time, Gary and I set aside our fears and anxiety and self-pity, and learned - instead of counting all that would never be the same - to count all that remained.
Yes, so much had been right and good about our family, but then Joshua's death overshadowed it. If I would have stayed in this state of seeing more dark than light, I would have become spiritually blind. As sightless as the living creatures which live in a cave and have never see the sun.
Now I say, "The world has yet to see what God can do through the woman who is fully surrendered to him. I will fight this battle under one condition. You must organize prayer teams back home and pray for me daily." Inwardly I added, "And if I perish, I perish."